During the pandemic, I was a lot of things. An invalid for many months, a people person who had to embrace being alone. I was also single for the first time in a very long time, feeling the pain of separation even while knowing it was what was needed. I was one of those working from home people that snacked the day away and missed the banter of my busy office. But how could I really complain? I wasn’t particularly vulnerable, and I avoided getting COVID. I was also lucky to have a job that I could do from home – and a home that was comfortable for me to work from. It could have been so much worse.
But, like for so many people, the lack of in-person interaction was a challenge. It felt like every part of my personal rainbow got greyer as the months passed by. I missed hugs and I missed people. The trips to London that kept me connected (and cultured) were no longer possible. I Zoomed, and WhatsApped family and friends until it was hard to face even more hours in front of a screen. Fun fact: did you know it’s impossible to be truly funny on Zoom, or to eye roll effectively in a group chat? It’s impossible to grab a friend’s arm to stop them telling THAT anecdote about the woman you fancied on holiday and fell drunk asleep on. And it doesn’t matter if you pour yourself a big fat glass of good red wine – even that tastes worse when you’re drinking it in front of your laptop while your best friend does the same from hundreds of miles away and neither of you has done a single thing worth relating in the past week.
Things I did in the absence of human contact … ate too much, slept too much, Olympic level phone scrolling, stopped writing, needless home decorating (I wallpaper like a boss – thanks, Dad), and made huge pans of soup that required a level of commitment to eat that I didn’t even know I possessed.
And now? At the end of May, I’m going to Nottingham, to the Queer the Shelves festival, to remind myself what fun it is to be an author (and a reader!) and I can’t wait to meet people, to talk to an in-person audience for the first time in a very long time. And yes, I know it’s a lot easier to read a sexy scene on Zoom than it is to a room full of people, but I don’t care! And I can’t actually wait. If you’re going to Nottingham, come and give me a hug. And show me your best eye roll up close. Be an in-person person that this people person needs. Let’s buy some books, meet some cool folks and have some sapphic fiction fun!
MA Binfield will be at the Queer the Shelves LGBTQ Book Festival in Nottingham at Waterstones.
book events, lesbian writers, lgbtq, literary events 2022, literary festival, MA Binfield, nottingham, queer the shelves
